Ask Moe
Dear Moe,

I'm a mental patient who's currently institutionalized.  I'm having mixed emotions about my psychiatrist.  He's been so kind to me -- in fact he comes in to see me every day.  The wife tells me that he doesn't want to rush my progress.

My wife is inviting him out to the summer house to talk about me more.  I wish I could put my arms around her.  She says when I get out of my straitjacket, I will.

Turns out she sold my car, my 260-Z.  I was upset to hear this. That was MY car!!! She claims I don't remember.  When I had the amnesia I gave her Power of Attorney.

I'm afraid I've botched up everything she's done for me.  She keeps telling me I must'nt be weak.


Dear Alex,

That cunt is no good!  She's doing that to you on purpose to make you crazy, so you don't know what you're doing.  She's lying to you!

Dear Moe,

I recently moved to a small Pennsylvania city for a job promotion, and everything is going good.  My problem is the lack of a social life.  I'm shy by nature, so I approach the bar scene with some hesitation.

Shy In Lancaster

Dear Shy in Lancaster,

Lancaster?  I know a good bar there called the Palm Isle.  Fucked the barmaid last trip.  I mean, I walk into the place and she comes up to me without even saying 'hello' and rubs up against me, her jugs rubbing up against my suit! Nipples hard as little rocks!

Dear Moe,

My wife is a lesbian.  Well, sort of.  She sleeps with both sexes. Does this make me a queer?

Tommy In Long Island

Dear Tommy,

Naaaaaah?!!  Faaaaaaack!!  My advice?  Don't tell anyone!