Guest Column From Sam "Small Print" Lyman
Guest Column

By Dickie Dunn
Times-Herald Sports Editor

I received this letter last week from Sam Lyman, a lawyer that has a few issues regarding the portrayal of an incident that occured many years ago. Some of you may remember this as the unfortunate "Denny Pratt Tragedy". Since I have always let people make decisions amongst themselves, I thought it was only fair to publish his letter to allow both sides of this incident to be heard.

Dear Mr. Dunn,

I am forwarding this formal complaint which I have filed with the Federal Hockey League offices. My client feels he has had his otherwise sparkling reputation tarnished in your fair city. It is our hope that a mention in your column will force this farce out into the open. Please do your best to "capture the spirit" of this issue.

Formal complaint to the Commissioner's office of the FHL.

Re: The "Unfortunate" Denny Pratt tragedy?

Unfortunate? Tragedy? What a farce! I am sorry for going off on a tangent there, but this type of misconception just makes my blood boil! However, before I continue, please allow me to introduce myself.

My name is Samuel Lyman, and I am an attorney with the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe. Although I work almost exclusively with Ross "Mad Dog" Madison, I also represent several other clients of an "alleged" notorious nature. This formal complaint is to convey the dissatisfaction my aforementioned other client feels with the recent public announcement that portrays him in a less than positive light. Jim Carr's arena introduction of my lesser-known client, Andre "Poodle" Lussier, during the Syracuse/Charlestown championship game has cast a shadow of speculation and ridicule over an otherwise distinguished hockey career. I can remain silent no longer, and it's time the fans know what really happened!

My client was merely doing what numerous other players secretly wished they could have done to Pratt, but chose not to solely out of fear of league reprisal. If Pratt hadn't been related to the commissioner (brothers) of the old Iron League, he would have been beaten like the dog he was far before he pushed my client to the breaking point!

Pratt was a punk and always had been. He was a criminal, a clown, a goon, a freak in a f$%#ing sideshow, for lack of far more colorful & deserving adjectives! His stickwork was notorious throughout the league and cost many a quality hockey player countless dollars in dental work. Not to mention his brother-in-law who was the arena doctor and paid him a kickback on every stitch he sewed up on opposing players!

My client had simply seen enough when he snapped. That crosscheck he took to the back of his melon resulting in 51 stitches and an undetermined amount of blood was more than one man should be allowed to endure. This in itself is easily overlooked in the course of hockey, but not what resulted when my client was laying on the ice in a pool of his own blood. His constant yapping, taunting, and calling my client "Fifi the poodle" was what really did it!

When my client got up, with blood splattering all over the milky ice, it was simply a work of art in motion. The whooping he placed on Pratt is still being talked about to this day! The only thing "unfortunate" about what happened with this "tragedy" was that my client didn't kill him! And he should have, but for the record, that is merely speculation on my behalf.

And in conclusion, the only reason my client has been in seclusion, is the fact he is so damn popular in the undisclosed Northern Quebec province he chooses to reside in. Hell, he can't hardly step outside without someone coming up and wanting to shake his hand, pat him on the back, ask for an autograph, or just give him hug! He's a Folk Hero in that town! Of course, being a criminal only adds to this mystique!

Sam "Small Print" Lyman

Cc: Joe McGrath/GM
     Reg Dunlop/Player Coach
     Jim Carr/Arena Announcer

This column was written by Ken "Toe" Blake, quite possibly the biggest Slap Shot fan on the face of the earth and an all around top notch guy.