By Dickie Dunn
Times-Herald Sports Editor
I received this letter last week from Sam
Lyman, a lawyer that has a few issues regarding
the portrayal of an incident that occured
many years ago. Some of you may remember
this as the unfortunate "Denny Pratt
Tragedy". Since I have always let people
make decisions amongst themselves, I thought
it was only fair to publish his letter to
allow both sides of this incident to be heard.
Dear Mr. Dunn,
I am forwarding this formal complaint which
I have filed with the Federal Hockey League
offices. My client feels he has had his otherwise
sparkling reputation tarnished in your fair
city. It is our hope that a mention in your
column will force this farce out into the
open. Please do your best to "capture
the spirit" of this issue.
Formal complaint to the Commissioner's office
of the FHL.
Re: The "Unfortunate" Denny Pratt
Unfortunate? Tragedy? What a farce! I am
sorry for going off on a tangent there, but
this type of misconception just makes my
blood boil! However, before I continue, please
allow me to introduce myself.
My name is Samuel Lyman, and I am an attorney
with the law offices of Dewey, Cheatem, &
Howe. Although I work almost exclusively
with Ross "Mad Dog" Madison, I
also represent several other clients of an
"alleged" notorious nature. This
formal complaint is to convey the dissatisfaction
my aforementioned other client feels with
the recent public announcement that portrays
him in a less than positive light. Jim Carr's
arena introduction of my lesser-known client,
Andre "Poodle" Lussier, during
the Syracuse/Charlestown championship game
has cast a shadow of speculation and ridicule
over an otherwise distinguished hockey career.
I can remain silent no longer, and it's time
the fans know what really happened!
My client was merely doing what numerous
other players secretly wished they could
have done to Pratt, but chose not to solely
out of fear of league reprisal. If Pratt
hadn't been related to the commissioner (brothers)
of the old Iron League, he would have been
beaten like the dog he was far before he
pushed my client to the breaking point!
Pratt was a punk and always had been. He
was a criminal, a clown, a goon, a freak
in a f$%#ing sideshow, for lack of far more
colorful & deserving adjectives! His
stickwork was notorious throughout the league
and cost many a quality hockey player countless
dollars in dental work. Not to mention his
brother-in-law who was the arena doctor and
paid him a kickback on every stitch he sewed
up on opposing players!
My client had simply seen enough when he
snapped. That crosscheck he took to the back
of his melon resulting in 51 stitches and
an undetermined amount of blood was more
than one man should be allowed to endure.
This in itself is easily overlooked in the
course of hockey, but not what resulted when
my client was laying on the ice in a pool
of his own blood. His constant yapping, taunting,
and calling my client "Fifi the poodle"
was what really did it!
When my client got up, with blood splattering
all over the milky ice, it was simply a work
of art in motion. The whooping he placed
on Pratt is still being talked about to this
day! The only thing "unfortunate"
about what happened with this "tragedy"
was that my client didn't kill him! And he
should have, but for the record, that is
merely speculation on my behalf.
And in conclusion, the only reason my client
has been in seclusion, is the fact he is
so damn popular in the undisclosed Northern
Quebec province he chooses to reside in.
Hell, he can't hardly step outside without
someone coming up and wanting to shake his
hand, pat him on the back, ask for an autograph,
or just give him hug! He's a Folk Hero in
that town! Of course, being a criminal only
adds to this mystique!
Sam "Small Print" Lyman
Cc: Joe McGrath/GM
This column was written by Ken "Toe"
Blake, quite possibly the biggest Slap Shot
fan on the face of the earth and an all around
top notch guy.